An Oxymoron? Healthy Cheesecake
By Mark Woeppel
If anyone falls for this claim-a healthy cheese cake, indeed!-then more power to them. The fact that there is only one crust is an automatic plus: caloric conservation. Eschew pulverized graham crackers and butter. Instead, mix olive oil (one of the best choices for controlling cholesterol short of choosing different parents) with wheat germ and authentic maple syrup. For crying out loud, don't even think about using the imitation stuff! I stem from a long line of Vermonters (on my mother's side) and those under the dirt writhe in their graves any time a descendant bestows recognition on faux syrup. Sorry about the digression but I can't help it: the DNA overpowers. Anyway, line a pan, bottom and up the sides, with the mixture described above.

For the filling, the cottage cheese must be low fat. Use an egg substitute, not the real deal. (Oh, you don't know how this recipe pains me! Sacrilege, pure sacrilege! Jeez, it makes more sense to eat the real thing, but slice your piece super thin. Eat less but dine, savor, for crying out loud.) More of that pure maple syrup. And for additional flavoring, pure extracts of vanilla and almond. (Don't sully this ridiculous healthy haha cheese cake any more than absolutely necessary.) Blend until as smooth as silk. Real silk, no polyester blend here.

If you pour the filling into the pan, the crust mixture may become dislodged. To prevent this catastrophe, spoon the filling into the crust. Then bake in a slow oven (about 325) until the filling is firm (about 30 minutes). After it cools, chill it for hours.

Whipped cream topping? Forgeddaboutit. Instead create a mosaic of sliced kiwifruit and sectioned clementines. Or sprinkle with healthy nuts which begs the question, "Your family or mine?"

My family of origin took great pride in their Vermont heritage and could-and did-discuss the merits of syrup-in Vermont, there is only one syrup. Their cousins, who still tapped their sugar maples, labored long and hard collecting the buckets, boiling down the sap, keeping the fires stoked. (Do you know how many gallons of sap it takes to produce one gallon of pure maple syrup? You don't? Wanna guess?) Some years Cousin Nate's syrup was deemed the best and some years it was Cousin Seth's. Color was evaluated too; amber was the most desirable. If anything can save this recipe from producing a mediocre cheese cake, it'll be the pure maple syrup.

Any resemblance of this oxymoronic healthy cheese cake to sinfully deliciously decadent cheese cake is coincidental.

If you figured the sugar concentration was about 2%, then it

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takes 43 gallons of sap to produce one gallon of syrup. See, you learned something.

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Mark Woeppel has been writing and eating desserts longer than most. In his day, he often dated Scarlet O'Cheesecake, who was a bit of a dish herself. Now she beguiles with her tales, both bland (well, not really) and spicy (verily). More of her stories and of course, delicious cheesecake can be found at: www.cheesecakestogo.biz